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Living constant nightmare in 30-year battle with anorexia





Julie McNally’s illness means she struggles to hold down a full-time job.
Julie McNally’s illness means she struggles to hold down a full-time job.

ON an average day, Julie McNally might eat a tin of Weight Watchers soup, a Weight Watchers yoghurt and a handful of dry All-Bran.

"I just don’t taste anything," she said. "Every taste is like cardboard. I eat and it means nothing to me."

The 46-year-old has been battling anorexia since she was 16 — a battle she describes as a constant nightmare.

"I wouldn’t wish it on anybody," she declared

She admits there have been ups and downs over the last 30 years, but now at an all time low, she has decided to share her story to help others avoid an eating disorder which is crippling her.

The mother-of-two started losing weight when she was a teenager. She had started work as a sales assistant in a paper shop and found herself eating junk food, which took her weight to 10 stone. She hated her clothes feeling tighter and wanted to be thinner.

"I started trying to lose weight at that point," she said. "I was just eating fruit and vegetables."

However, her eating soon spiralled out of control and when she started commuting from Huntly to Aberdeen College of Commerce she would survive for 12 hours on just an apple.

"I wasn’t really aware I wasn’t eating a lot," she said. "It wasn’t really a decision I made. It just got a hold of me and I couldn’t stop it. I knew it was serious because I was going to the doctor and getting weighed."

She was eventually referred to a psychiatrist and, at the age of 17, was admitted to hospital in Aberdeen, weighing just 5 stone 9 pounds. "I was there for five weeks," she explained. "I wasn’t allowed out of bed, I had to use a commode for the toilet, I got bed washed and was fed a milky drink on the hour, every hour. I was more or less force fed."

Weighing eight stone, she was eventually allowed to leave hospital and go home, although she admits putting on weight made her feel "horrible".

In the years that followed she continued to revert back to her old eating habits, although her weight has never plummeted so low since, and meeting her husband Brian gave her new focus.

Because of her low weight, they had to use fertility drugs to conceive and during her two pregnancies she became more "relaxed" towards food.

"Having my children was the only thing that shook me out of it a wee bit, but it was always there," she said.

Events in her life also set her back — her father Ronnie Mitchell died suddenly of an aneurysm in 2002, while she lost her husband Brian to bowel cancer in 2004 and was left to bring up her then teenage children Sean and Siobhan on her own.

Over the years she has tried therapy, but has found nothing works and only recently returned to see doctors at New Craigs Hospital after a two-month break.

"I went back this month and crawled in the front door and begged for help," she said. "I am so low this time. I am going back to therapy and they are going to put me on some drugs. I would like to be taken in, but there is only one place in Aberdeen and the beds are quite short. I really want some help."

Mrs McNally, who lives in Culduthel Avenue, Inverness, with partner Ian Mitchell, is just six and a half stone and her diet generally consists of dry All-Bran, Weight Watchers soup and yoghurts plus vegetables — but she would not eat that all in one day.

"I sometimes feel hungry, but as soon as you have a drink it is fine, the hunger passes," she said.

"It is horrible. I think about food all the time, and panic about what I am going to have for breakfast, for lunch, and tea, even when I know I am not going to have anything. I feel scared to put on weight."

She will often cook food for her partner but admits she never wants to eat it.

The disorder also impacts on her social life and she hates going clothes shopping or being naked.

She has collapsed numerous times through sheer exhaustion and admits her illness has meant she struggles to hold down a full-time job, although is working as a cleaner at Northern Constabulary’s headquarters at Inshes.

"Everybody goes through a stage where they want to lose a wee bit of weight," she continued. "I would just hate their lives to be ruined by wanting to be thin. When people say they are going on a diet, I just cringe, I hate it.

"Young kids nowadays think they should be thin and magazines make them want to look skinny.

"But really this is a nightmare to live with. I hate it with a vengeance. I have lived with it for 30 years and it is just a nightmare, it ruins everything."


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