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Inverness charity Dopamine Dolls co-founder Ashley Hope opens up about impact of ADHD diagnosis: ‘I struggled with it more than I thought I would’





A social worker from Inverness has opened up about the challenges that came with getting diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) – and how co-founding charity Dopamine Dolls has helped immensely.

The 32-year-old was only diagnosed on Valentine’s Day last year, and she had assumed she would receive support to help manage her symptoms.

However, that could not have been further from the truth.

Ashley – who realised she may have ADHD while supporting a family member through their own assessment – had hoped that a formal diagnosis would help her be kinder to herself after years of beating herself up at work, in education, and with inter-personal relationships.

Dopamine Dolls co-founder Ashley Hope at Highland Pride 2023.
Dopamine Dolls co-founder Ashley Hope at Highland Pride 2023.

Such was the lack of resources available to her, though, that she really struggled at first to come to terms with the diagnosis.

“What I expected, in the very beginning, was to approach my GP and for them to understand ADHD and have a clear process in place to get me on some sort of waiting list, probably for a couple of months or so,” she explained.

“The reality was that my GP didn’t know anything about it. My relative had a real challenge getting an assessment so once they started to experience their challenges I sort of got prepared for the challenges I was going to face.

“I initially got told I wasn’t going to be assessed because they didn’t think it was severe enough, but then someone involved in my relative’s assessment advised me to use a specific screening tool to help me explain to the GP what I was experiencing.

“Once I armed myself with enough evidence – and found the executive function to do so – I took it to my GP. Then they took me seriously and I was put on a waiting list and eventually assessed.

“It’s not how it should have happened. I think from initially approaching my GP to getting assessed was about two years, which is a long time.

“I should have felt validated and reassured, but I think there’s a whole other side to it which people can be too scared to talk about which is that I was worried they’d made a mistake, and that I’d ‘got away’ with it.

“I felt like I was a fraud and I was worried about whether it was really true, that I really did have ADHD. I think I felt scared to really genuinely admit it to myself because then it meant that I had to be kind to myself and I’m not used to being that way.

“I actually struggled with the diagnosis more than I thought I would. It felt like it was about my whole life and my personality, and that was so messy and complicated.”

ADHD presents differently in different people. People can experience symptoms of inattentiveness, hyperactivity, or both to varying degrees.

Dopamine Dolls co-founder Ashley Hope representing the group with a stall at an event in Inverness.
Dopamine Dolls co-founder Ashley Hope representing the group with a stall at an event in Inverness.

Ashley finds that her brain is constantly working hard, which then has knock on impacts on both her own morale and her relationships with other people.

“I’m over-analysing, over-predicting, and it sometimes robs me of enjoying moments and opportunities because I’m too busy in my brain,” she explained.

“On the other side of that I think people can misunderstand me and think I’m distracted. I have combined type, so I’m also hyperactive, and people find me overwhelming when I’m in my enthusiastic state. It puts people off and that means I find it hard to make connections.

“Time blindness is also really hard. I don’t really sense the passing of time, so I find it difficult to understand how long I’m taking to complete tasks or to estimate how long a task might take, which can make deadlines and planning really difficult. Deadlines are difficult, which makes work difficult.

“Focusing is really hard. I think that’s one of the hardest things actually. Because with the inability to focus comes the mental battle and, for me, talking to myself so terribly because I’m not doing what I know I need to do.

“The focus then becomes on mental torment instead of on the job or the work or whatever it is that’s difficult or not interesting. It’s that negative self-talk that I can’t escape.

“I think I’m definitely getting better, but I know that some other people either don’t understand or don’t care why I’m behaving in a certain way, so I’m too busy thinking about what they’re thinking about me, and I’m internalising what I perceive to be other people’s thoughts.

“It’s other people’s expectations – or what I perceive to be their expectations – that’s the hard part. That’s what I’m still struggling with.”

In Ashley’s case, those struggles have been focused into something positive.

She co-created the charity Dopamine Dolls with Isla Urquhart for people facing similar challenges with their ADHD, and more than a year after their first meeting it continues to offer peer support and safe spaces for women and non-binary people living with ADHD across the Highlands.

Dopamine Dolls co-founder Ashley Hope representing the group at a community event.
Dopamine Dolls co-founder Ashley Hope representing the group at a community event.

Many people have benefitted from the sessions Dopamine Dolls have put on, but Ashley herself has noticed a difference in her own confidence level through being part of the group.

“Founding and running Dopamine Dolls has given me an opportunity to create meaningful connections,” Ashley added.

“I wouldn’t have met some of the people I now call friends if we hadn’t set up the group, and that’s a big thing for me. Friendships where I can be truly honest about being late, not having done something – things I didn’t say before.

“It’s a different type of friendship, an unmasked friendship. It’s also given me the chance to hear other people’s stories and learn from them.

“I’ve got a lot of pride from what Isla and I have created, and specifically from the work I’ve put in. The testimonials people have sent us make me feel really proud but also glad that so many people have got something positive from Dopamine Dolls.

“During mine and Isla’s first conversation, the ‘mask’ that so many of us with ADHD wear to hide our symptoms was lifted in a way it never had been before. We wanted people to feel they could be their true selves with us as we were able to be with each other that first time we met.

“It’s nice to know that you’re making a difference for someone, whether it’s for five minutes of their day or the rest of their life.”


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