Darren McGarvey says alcohol was once his ‘whole personality’
A Scottish rapper and activist has told of his plight in battling drug and alcohol addiction, saying he would “move heaven and earth” in pursuit of his next hit.
Darren McGarvey, also known by his stage name Loki, said he used to spend “vast sums of money” on alcohol, which he says became his “whole personality”.
The author, broadcaster and musician is known for his work on issues such as poverty, addiction, and politics.
Having battled his own personal demons in his youth, McGarvey opened up about addiction on the second episode of Listen Up, a new podcast on recovery launched by Abbeycare. It is an alcohol and drug treatment centre in Erskine, Renfrewshire, where he was previously treated.
McGarvey said he turned to drugs and alcohol for a number of reasons, including to cope with the death of his mother, as well as dealing with the ups and downs of fame.
He said his addictions initially stemmed from his desire to cope with his anxiety, prompting him to use alcohol as well as drugs such as Valium and temazepam.
There's no ceremony in there. It was humbling in a way that I needed
During his appearance on the show, McGarvey said his addiction to drink began at the age of 16, shortly after the death of his mother, who was also an alcoholic.
He said: “I got handed a beer after the funeral. It wasn’t just the alcohol, it was the whole situation. I was the centre of attention that day.
“I was dressed in a suit, long coat, black tie, being handed a cold beer… all that came together and activated something where I was like, ‘Ah, this is what I should be doing’.
“I remember actually going back to school that day… it was like the alcohol provided a suit of armour that I immediately wanted to try out.”
In 2013, McGarvey quit drinking and attended college, where he gained a qualification in journalism.
In 2017, he released his first book, Poverty Safari, which won the Orwell Prize in 2018.
However, around the same time, he says his drug use began to spiral out of control, citing an occasion where a scheduled broadcast interview in London was cancelled.
He said: “When that interview got pulled, it felt as if the whole thing had crumbled. It was as if I had failed, and I couldn’t cope with it.
“I ran round a Boots pharmacy and bought over-the-counter painkillers with enough codeine in them to take away the feelings that I had.”
A year later, after he had been using similar drugs frequently, he checked into Abbeycare’s rehabilitation clinic in Erskine, where his recovery journey began.
He said: “It was the first time I had been around ordinary folk for about two years, where I wasn’t the keynote speaker, I wasn’t special.
“There’s no ceremony in there. It was humbling in a way that I needed.”
Hosted by Abbeycare’s outreach manager Eddie Clarke, the show features a new guest each month who is invited to talk about their first-hand experience of addiction and recovery.
It aims to reduce the stigma around drug and alcohol addiction through honest conversations, as well as demonstrating that recovery is possible.
Mr Clarke said: “I first met Darren when he had just checked into rehab with us, so it was brilliant to see how well he is doing now and to have such an honest conversation with him.
“His experiences show that even when people are enjoying great success in their careers, they can still be struggling with unaddressed addictions in the background.
“Given the levels of alcohol and drug-related harm in Scotland, it’s more important than ever that we talk honestly about addiction, and that is what our podcast set out to do.
“We hope that people who might be struggling alone will listen and take heart from our guests’ stories and insights over the coming months.”
